Mental, Emotional and Spiritual Guide
Feeler, Seer, Healer & Dream Guide
Intuitive Strategist and Perspective Investigator
Harmonizer & Conflict Mediator
Vocal Artist & Comedian (self-claimed comedian) Group Facilitator & Speaker
Training Holistic Herbalist
Learner of Life Long Growth
I grew up with a purely materialistic view. Sure we went to Church on Sundays, but the children didn’t get to stick around for very long to hear the spoken word of gospel very much, fortunate or unfortunate, I’m not sure. It certainly had no meaning to me at that time. Void of Spirit.
We stopped going to church when I was about 11. Up and until that point, I was immersed in the world of indoctrination at no fault of my parents, all the other parents were doing the same thing, and so were there’s, but it was completely void of any Spiritual connection, almost as if someone had made the decision long ago that it didn’t matter. ALL REQUIRED ON THIS PATH!
Hell, my OWN child might be writing later in my Life as to how Dad didn’t know what was going on, never know! That is why I walk this path of Truth, because I got tired of listening to how everyone else wanted me to do it, and I needed to figure it out for myself, because I didn’t want the perpetuation of its destruction to plague my own children and their future generations. This is a long-term path.
After being ushered along to get a post-secondary education I was noticing the impacts of years of doing things and being things that didn’t resonate inside starting to become very apparent. I was miserable, depressed, addicted, angry if not rageful, I was vengeful for sure, inconsiderate, hyper-competitive, jealous, insecure, and I certainly did not know the immediacy of the concept of Loving oneself (perhaps what I missed in Church?)
I was forced at an early age into the world of Competitive Sports, which now as I see as a very problematic method of forcing our children to learn how this is appropriate behaviour to succeed in Life. Surely discipline is needed, but think of the discipline it is forming? Disciplining one to take others down, and the very taste of winning is succeeded by the compulsion to win again (because it never really is enough right?) Maybe wait for a parade and then its done, back to business.
The business of what!?
You see, sports and business are virtually the same. Only a few make it to the top, no one actually wins, and everything, mostly, comes with a short term focus and a long-term cost, the old model that is, although I am VERY aware there is a new system and story emerging that we won’t hear on the mainstream news. No team is thinking about where it will be decades in advance, maybe 5-10 years, maybe longer, not sure, but not generational. That doesn’t matter.
What happens to the Soul, when we are taught there isn’t enough? That there is never going to be enough. And what’s best to be focusing on is saving the planet, saving others, and saving every penny so that when you get out of what you don’t want to do, you’ll have all of this money and you’ll know what to do. House, boat, vacations etc, but NO IDEA of what to do next?
Well none of the Elders in my lineage seemed to manifest this notion of Freedom at retirement age, so what was it, where was this MORE to Life that everyone talked about. It didn’t seem to be coming from climbing any sort of ladder, in order to receive the validation from our families or employers, represented by the fruits of the commercial world = money.
I realized later in my path that I came here to experience a GREAT duality and a GREAT becoming.
My Life Path is 11, meaning the summation of the numbers, month, date, year = 11. In Vedic Numerology, this is the Spiritual Messenger, the Wizard, the Wounded (to warrior) healer. I have experienced duality, felt duality, continue to experience and feel duality, but the experience of harshness, the cold, the spirt-less void that I existed in, provides context, meaning, and great opportunity to experience joy and gratitude. Our pain and misery, always a key to a new experience. This path is tough. I’m not saying tougher than anyone else’s, I can only speak for myself.
I don’t hang my hat fully on these systems, however there is great synchroncity in reviewing them at different stages of your evolution to see how True or False those ‘predictive models’ become. No one really knows do they?
I have come here to learn Love and Infinite Connection as my full lay-out of my name and birth numbers suggest. This is a big task, knowing where I’ve come from. I forgot how to Love, completely. I was a hater, believe it or not. I forgot what it meant to be prosperous, to have enough, so broke even though I had money, I needed to even get more and take it from someone else for my own insecure reasons.
<THE PATH BEGINS>
One thing leads to another and I am embarking on a completely unknown path to understanding my Self and finding meaning in what was a nightmarish existence.
My addictions started at the age of 16, with tobacco, pot, alcohol, and later evolved into the participatory act of finding and doing cocaine… The darkest years of my Life, still haven’t had all lights shine on it. It is a process. Many layers, many, many layers which can be frustrating to the psyche that believes there isn’t enough, time is running out, and we’re fucked if we don’t get in line… couldn’t be further from the truth.
10 years into my Corporate career roughly, about 3 or 4 into my Spiritual investigation, my partner Emily and I, and daughter Soma (3 months) decided to sell all of our stuff and move from a greater population of 1 million to a tiny island in the middle of the Pacific Northwest, home to about 1,100 full time residents.
Culture shock, I thought I had this figured out!
We made the decision however, and now as I see it, the Creator, the one who has the keys for the design of what goes down here, says “oh you want that eh, ok, here we go…”
Well, Naturally, the vibration of all of Life, hums at different frequencies.
There is no comparison to the pristine Nature of the island we moved to, little to no war, but certainly colonial influence, but these people seemed different. Heck, it was the only place in Canada with a Green Party MP and MLA in the same riding. We felt privileged, like this is where we wanted to be… NOT SO FAST!
The transformation that hit us, that continued with us, that further integrated the work already done from a soul, mind, emotional, physical level was extraordinary.
Imagine going from making $175k combined income, having no worries about money, to almost nothing, debt piling up, savings used, all of it to fund some sort of dream we had no idea was even possible (although obviously we did.)
This island, and the reliquishing of capitalistic ideals was nothing short of intense. It took everything. It cost everything, but magically the family was still together, albeit there were many times Dad was piled up on the floor sobbing like a one year old waiting for mom to come back in the room.
Why the similarity? I learned that all of my stuff I had failed to adequately feel as a child, for a number of reasons, had started to surface. And it was big. Bigger than I had ever felt, possibly because I’d never felt it.
I liken it to a snowball that runs down the hill, it gets bigger, it accumulates, until one threshold after another, the ball begins to break down. Chunks start to fall off, we may run into other boulders etc, until the sun comes out and starts to heat things up and the sun un-freezes the snow, and it changes state, transformation and transmutation in its most obvious form, however how obvlivious to Nature the materialist had become!
When you move to a remote place, that is less-affected by cultural domination and mass-colonial movement towards short-term destruction for long-term (although false in my opinion) success, it is highly transformational in itself.
What is most transformational is our connection with others. In isolation, it is very difficult to feel compelled to look into Self, the definition of codependency, in the company of others who defy looking at their relationships to Reality, it becomes also difficult to engage in this work. A separation, a path of individuation is required to moved from a state of being, influenced by all the cultural sabbatoge around, or come away and learn to incorporate more of our Natural essence to replace that which must die. Death is happening all around in Nature. That is what happened on my Spiritual path. Everyone that knew Jon as the business person, the competitor, the addict, all of those identities blew away!
3 months after moving to the small island, I embarked on another evolutionary path that would send my transformational path to the cosmos and back to Earth, in all directions.
I started studying with Dawn Dancing Otter in April of 2016, I’ll get to this, but the catalyst to my working with her started a few years back.
I was invited to an Indigenous Sweat Lodge by a friend in Winnipeg, and it was really the thing that kicked my True transformational path into gear. Up and until then I was a light seeker, trying to desperately get as far away from that which I both didn’t understand and that which caused me so much suffering all throughout Life. What we resist persists. That which we feel we can run from, will always be there at the finish line, waiting to reacquaint with unfinished business.
What is transformation?
Well in my experience, it was Life showing up, in our Relationships, to show me what it was that was causing me so much internal pain, lack of confidence, hyper-competitiveness, lust for connection and belonging, a mere snippet of creativity that had been dusted over by so many external judgements and now internal saying “it wasn’t good enough”. I changed who I was based on the situation I was in, like a chameleon, but not a healthy one certainly. One that only did so as a defence mechanism to prevent something catastrophic from happening, the same catastrophes that happened when I was younger, and as mentioned, unable to fully and adequately process for purposes of growth and evolution…
But they did serve!
The pain does serve.
There is no such thing as a ‘bad’ emotion. All of them are required. That is a trick. Happy endings always in movies? Like always!?!?! That is something there… Society wanted me to be happy.
Happy Birthday, Happy Easter, Happy Thanksgiving, Merry Christmas, Happy Halloween, all HAPPY.
Happiness is a shade of a word, it means actually nothing, the feeling is everything.
Joy started coming back into my life, and Love. I mean REALLY big love. I started feeling compassion for things I previously hated or blamed for my miserable existence.
Addictions fell off, I know that I healed certain things that compelled me into a state of seeking uncontrollable behaviour through drugs.
Cocaine was a method of me unleashing my perceived ‘authenticity’. I was unafraid. I would do such foolish things, but always with an air of confidence that said I could. So dangerous, could have been dead so many times over, but this further puts meaning in Life.
All of my experiences, and I say ALL, regardless of how grim they were, added to my experience, added to my repertoire, my skillset that was perpetually and exponentially enhancing.
If you put these list of careers in front of me 10 years ago (philosopher, poet, musician, psychic, healer), I would have probably wept knowing somewhere in my heart they were true, but would have also probably aggressively resisted or might have fallen back into the apathy that dulled me for much of my Life.
In my experience, the Spiritual path is a fine tight rope. Our belief systems were so messed up by someone else feeding us how to be, how to think, what to know, what to not know, what to ask questions towards, and what to not even think of asking a question towards… And then we’d get tested on it, in our ability to regurgitate like a bird and feed the thing we felt supported by, cared for… WRONG.
This is not my anger towards a society that is royally mis-directed, North America in a sense is an ever-increasingly free place to be. You can’t control the freedom or expression or depth of thought of a collective of people forever. There have been so many movies that depict the reformation of that which does not work. It takes a mindset. It takes clarity. It takes healing.
Healing does not have to be scary. In fact, when I am sent into an emotionally reactive rage these days, something very quickly reminds me that this is a gateway. That something in Life, needed to happen in order to oust these old ideals out of my system, death, and allow something new to be reborn.
At first however, if we have never experienced it, the resistance is going to be strong having built the wall your whole life to protect against looking at Self (codependency), and now we’re suprised to see so many mental health issues that manifest as our inability to take care of Self and hence rely on something else (hospitals, care homes, pharmaceuticals) to save the day…
Many cartoons I see these days have underlying currents of ‘saving’. Saving what? Always someone else. Codepenendcy.
You see, since wee children, the program has been running as it is easier to control masses when everyone thinks the same way, and the things they think prevent them from examining their relationships and their own inner genius, DYING to get out and express!!
Well after the sweat lodge and other pre-cursor experiences in the Spiritual field, I broke open.
I remember eating ethiopian food with my hands after the sweat lodge, such a remarkable and undeniable experience that has left a permanent mark on my evolution here on Earth.
We howled at the full moon that night. I thought I was going to die in the sweat lodge, perhaps something did, but little did i know what type of transmutative course this would lead me on. The path to the Alchemist.
The Alchemist does not throw anything away, and thus why I feel I can feel a sense of ressurance when I am going through some really heavy emotions now. I can see the change unfolding, this is the JOURNEY!
So many of us want peace, satisfaction, comfort, a sense of okayness that is simply not possible in the status-quo. Well it is, if you want to trick yourself into believing that these idealisms of more, more, more, not enough, not enough, not enough, enemy vs hero, are true. They’re not. We know it. Can we face it? Can we enter into the realm of uncertainty to know, that the only certainty can come in our relation to Spirit, Creator, God, the Universe, whatever you want to call it.
It is the one consistent, the thing that pervades everything, creates everything, destroys everything.
What is Natural destruction? It is a sacrifice. A dying of some concept, idea, belief, emotional suppression, and a reemergence of something else, something new, something that belongs to Creator itself, your wholeness and connection back to EVERYTHING.
The process of the work that initiated at the Sweat Lodge and then later into my training with Dawn both had everything as a cost, and everything also to gain.
The everything I felt that was a cost, was really limiting me. I gripped onto it for so long, feeling that if I was without that notion, belief, behaviour or reactionary response I would be nothing, undefended, opened up to wounds!
The wounds I experienced as a kid. Bullying, isolation, attack on character, attack on body-appearance, enabling of addictions, persuading to commit acts of violence and unkindness, degeneration really. I know this path, I know it well. I also know the path back to Love. There is not a finish line, there never was. There will be certainly a time and place where we leave this Earth for some other form of existence (WHERE WE WILL FIND OUT WHEN WE GET THERE…)
The path back to Love has to be preconceived by some notion of Hate. Hate is the path of the materialist because in it, it is void of Spirit, void of Creator, thus the feeling we associate with Creator (LOVE) is void, therefore we look for other things to fill the void and act/pretend they’re the things we actually love.
The heart shape is used so much in cartoons and commercial toys (plastic = unnatural) that it is no wonder so many humans have had their navigation with Love sent off course.
Love is big, I mean really big. Joy too. True joy. Only unlocked with misery, apathy, depression or anger, all of it tickets or tools to ascend the limitations or a very limited societal influence, that in its design, would rather not see you in your place, in your beauty, in your essence.
Well, here’s a word for you. The world NEEDS you to dance. They are waiting for you. And in fact, by you not dancing, you’re hurting the world and it is thus standing still with you, as we never get more than we can handle in my opinion, all perfect. The standing still is part of the path. The reservations, the doubt, the guilt, the anger, the frustration, the blame, this is the True path, not desperately seeking something that we prefer and avoiding that which we don’t, but facing it, facing it as the creator would, with compassionate eyes.
This compassion is always possible, but warning, only the toughest survive.
Addictions and suicide are such prevalent issues in today’s times. Not that they are new, but they seem to be heating up. This may be influenced by media (which we should be extra cautious not to create an identity around, only receiving our highest good), but something is happening, something critical.
In my experience, work, and contemplation with Dementia, which is detailed HERE, I feel that Dementia is a sign of human awakening. The very personal statement, that what was, no longer works, and there is less and less room for it in our heated up state of existence (global warming is not disconnected from our own human warming.)
Is global warming simply an external manifestation of human warming? Is there cause for chaotic concern?
No, we need to talk about it.
The beauty in embarking on my path with Dawn was that I got to glimpse the magic and power of circle, conscious circle, people coming together to rally around the misery, but also the new found perspectives that were emerging.
The things that used to piss me off like nothing else, seemed to become non-issues, which means that I could actually lean into that field, show it compassion, and there was WAY less resistance. Amazing!
My apprenticeship with Dawn lasted about 3 years, of which I still weep to this day in gratitude for what that amazing individual has reminded me of, not to the mention the 1,000’s of others she has worked with on their own path of self-discovery.
My apprenticeship allowed the Natural essence of me, who I was when I came here, what I came here to do in the face of adversity. It was the path of the Spiritual Messenger, the Truth seeker, the Psychic that could tap into extra-sensory dimensions of Reality and extract Truth out of it. I began to be able to support others on this path doing this remarkable work, more of their stories and testimonials are listed here.
But what can we bank from these testimonials? Are they what I’m looking for? They used to be, I used to get all of my validation from external sources, like a prostitute, selling myself, putting on my fancy clothes in order for someone to like me enough to use me in ways that really go against everything I believe in now. My path of Truth needed to be preconceived by the terror or suppression and avoidance of Spiritual gift, but now as I see, it was the precursor to Glory.
Glory is what we recreate with our experience, it is the transcendence of suffering, the Truest form of success. Not in faking it until you make it, which I learned very well from sales and business trainings, but True work, where I walk what I talk, I am a billboard for freedom. Is it finished!?
Every day I continue to walk towards the Creator and its light, willing to face the day, face the news (where it is necessary of course), and willing to do something with that. What can I do with my skills? What is my purpose? How do I carve that out and begin my own path of creating excellence and beauty in my Life.
Most of the deepest thinkers, brightest inventors, most revolutionary people had access to the force from within, a power so palpable that it in itself creates with or destroys with, depending on what we need at that given time.
These individuals were connected in with the Elements, they understood Universal and Natural Law, they knew how to convey this in their mediums, representing Creator and its likeness in who they were.
The more we transition from a state of unconscious where someone else’s manipulated story is running our autonomy in absence, we step into more of the Creators gifts and how they uniquely manifest through us.
I find it very difficult these days to want to be like anyone else, however that has been a path and a half for me to wade through. Someone else’s success was always a motivator, and practically it still can, but when we are that influence, we become susceptible to dogma, to living or emulating someone else’s Life to the point where we suppress our own.
What do I want to do? What shall I do here?
My path is to contemplate. Is to hold objective space. Is to point out the things forgotten, things that went unnoticed, and things that are on the surface replaying in your Life until it bangs you over the head enough, like it did for me.
My objective is for people to empower themselves, I a simply a guide. If we don’t know how to fish, what happens when retirement as it was proposed arrives, what do we do if we don’t know how to fend for ourselves?
This path can be a lonely path, with an infinite and one questions to ask, but as we navigate, the beauty emerges as we begin to allow ourselves permission to focus on the day at hand, in its moments, in the evolution of the journey, in the knowing and faith that our actions as they align to a sense of Truth in what we do, how we show up, and how we share.
This is all about permission. My path was. It still is. Regaining back permissions I had given out to others on the way, in defence or perhaps counter-bargain for them not to inflict pain on me later in Life.
What I’ve learned, and this is Gold, that it is not in fact pain. It is a reminder. It is a reminder of your likeness with that which Created you. Religion can put a bad taste in many’s mouths as it is the model of telling and regurgitating, and then policing these external values onto others, for fear if they ask questions, break free or do something outside of the box, we might have to as well!! Oh no! What a thought, everyone might be free to think and do as they please? How terrible! Not… This is inevitability in my opinion as I reiterate the amount of mental and emotional health issues that are on the rise, they are on the rise because our heated up state of existence, in a higher vibratory spin is causing them to shake out.
People look to addictions and suicide as I did because they in their grips of despair don’t feel they have an option. No one around them knows how to support that, and are as unwilling as many have been to even look at that.
When people have Spiritual entities on them, I ask them not to fear, the entity wants out! Yes Spiritual Exorcism is very REAL, however not as the movies would depict it, where it is a tough negotiation where people may die, people may get hurt… None of that is true. We are hurt when the entity resides, numbed out by addictions, pills, and destructive behaviours that support its existence.
There is no negotiation when we take back permission and power. The other side, that has used it against us becomes powerless over us, and our regaining of power has nothing to do with leaving us with power-over. It has never been about domination, although dominating in Life will certainly provide great context to collaboration and cooperation in compassion, certainly! It will be big!
It was big to feel compassion for bosses I hated! It was big to feel a sense of okayness when taking care of children, which men in my family are not the most versed on. It was big to realize that I could create, and that which I believed in, focused on, visualized and felt to be true, and then released in non-attachment, would in fact show up!
It was big to realize I had the ability to consciously command states of being, how I dealt with emotional reactivity, my comfort level with emoting in BIG ways in front of other people. I learned to give voice to myself and then to others. I became inspiring not because that’s why I needed, but because my commitment to Self and understanding Reality, what is Truth, became my focus. Then it shifted to giving this in service to others…
When we come from commercial or capitalistic models based on scarcity, where there is not enough to go around, it is very easy to template this onto our new spiritual gifts, so easy it’s almost predictable that one would have to wade through the destructive force of capitalism in order to genuinely provide their Gifts, the Creators Gifts bestowed upon an individual, the perfection of unfolding and reasoning for being.
Most of the healers, practitioners, health-workers I know that have exited the system in order to focus on their own Gifts, struggle so hard! They have such extraordinary Gifts, they’ve seen the magic and transformation in their own lives and now they MUST give it to others.
Give is a misnomer in our North American culture, although more and more of me sees it just as a Cult.
All language is a misnomer when it cannot be related to from a sense of Truth. It becomes dogma. It becomes the word of the day, all distracting us from taking back our permission and power.
Language fascinates me for this reason. Certain words can trigger people and distract them from what is actually True and Real, right there in front of them.
The fear of feeling emotion is the biggest distraction in my opinion. Some people, including myself, although my over-emotional ways didn’t always allow for full-suppression, do everything in their possibility not to feel how miserable it is.
They have crafty, and at no fault of their own, much like my case, developed irrational child-like strategies for coping. Much of this comes in our emotional response to external stimuli, for ex: what people say, what they do, what they don’t do, what we assume, what something may appear to be on first glance, all of this is the magic!!!
YES, the magic is in our relationships, and the gateways to freedom are in the uncomfortable areas that give us most grief. Giving someone grief is a misnomer, it’s already there!
Look at what is there to grieve! Our destruction of Self, our destruction of Planet, our lost or unappreciated relationships, our children and their safety, our Ancestors and what they knew, know, and want from us, what they did and how it impacted future generations, all of this, adds to an experience of Grief.
The very fact we are in the situation with a cultural-less society in North America and now in many other places in the world due to colonial-expansion, is enough to fill up oceans with tears due to unprocessed grief.
Many ceremonial funerals that I have been to have forgotten the lost art of grieving, communal grieving, all in!
This is a mission of mine. To reintroduce this into our ways. So that we as a collective could feel nothing wrong with emoting, knowing that in the vulnerability of the act of emoting, we are becoming more resilient, more clear, and certainly more connected to what we know is possible, and less connected to the story that has abused us for to long.
There is a shifting of stories and this has been manifesting over the years in my path. It’s so long, and I’ve only just started. However, what I realize is that there is no end destination, there are just check points of deep meaning, deep synchronistic exposure that will in themselves tell us if we are on the right path.
Our purposeful path as I see it now in my Life is to Feel; to Validate our Own Gifts; To Share these Gifts Widely and Openly as the creator would; to recreate the Likeness of Creator in our everyday lives, with each day as important as the last, all of it considered, all of it accumulating to put the stamp on Life that we were destined to make.
I have an infinite array of stories to share, remarkable magic and unexplainable spiritual phenomena that has occurred in my Life, and now in hindsight even far before I started this conscious path.
I remember creating a password in grade 8 with the words IloveGod in it. I had no idea what that was, but something in me was hanging on, that there was something outside of Self that was still connected inside, a power so remarkable that its very taste is enough to send you on a Life long goose chase to Clarity. The goose chase ends and we get to go into truth even more, perhaps for other rabbit holes and goose chases to emerge.
Every ending is a beginning, every beginning starts with us making the choice to take back permission, power, and our autonomy into a place of non-judgement, middle of the line, this is the Creator. All of it…
So you in?
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