You SHOULD be grateful... really!?!

Here comes the sun!

Here comes the sun, Little darlin’.

It’s alright. ~ George Harrison

I wrote this poem below recently. And it is true as I un-surface reasons I cannot feel grateful for the things received or being received, I move deeper into my understanding of what my purpose here is.

I have everything

Yes I do

That much is true

Give me rain or shine

Either will do.

That much is true.

If you feel your world is going to end

When your sun don’t shine again

But then you looked out the window and you saw the Sun coming.

Oh the sun will shine again

Oh no need to pretend

If you feel your world is going to end

When the sun don’t shine again

But then you looked out the window and you saw the Sun coming.

When we wait for something outside of ourselves to save the day and make us feel grateful as we feel we SHOULD, we engage in a co-dependent cycle where no one truly wins until we spin out of it.

When we are told to be grateful for things, we lose all significance of true gratitude as it becomes an obligation and an expectation.

“Do you know how lucky you are?”

Maybe, but you’re ideology of luck may be different than mine.

What is the purpose for reminding me to be grateful?

Is there something in you that decides that my behaviour is not adequately meeting your standard of appreciation?

Is there perhaps areas of your Life you’d like to feel more appreciative of, or appreciated in, and therefore the wounds need to be projected on to another to remind them of what it feels like to be You? Ouch...

Where do standards of appreciation come from?

What exactly do we determine are things to be grateful for and things not to be?

What is gratitude!?!

Joanie Mitchell said ‘you don’t know what you got until it’s gone.’ Feels very true.

Polarity again. Having not, to appreciate having. Knowing not in confusion, to appreciate grounded knowledge and wisdom. Hating to feel love, feeling sad to feel happy, feeling ungrateful to feel grateful, feeling the poles to unlock our independent choice.

Gratitude is no one else’s definition but your own.

It is no one else’s right but your own.

Asking someone to do a gratitude affirmation may not actually harmonize the root situation, as if we affirm gratitude and we have inability to do so within our systems, we actually simply perpetuate an ungrateful scenario, presently and into the future.

Affirmations are wonderful if you are able to tell when you’re body/mind/soul is not aligned with your verbal concepts of how you wish things to be.

Wishing and luck are often misnomers, they don’t actually give us a clear depiction of our creative abilities.

When we go out and buy something, without a process of consciously creating that thing and giving it space and time to manifest, we are leaving ourselves to the co-dependent cold, waiting for something external to bring us back to our Natural state.

In reality as I see it, these situations where we do fall into co-dependent traps, if awareness is used, the situations become incredible Gifts.

Unconsciously we may be participating in this trap and it is only in feeling safe and disciplined to bring awareness to the trap, wherein we can recognize our greatest freedom. Yes, tricky traps are a gift too.

It is all a Gift. If you can’t see, feel, hear, sense, whatever, it is not meant for you at this time. No gift available, no gratitude...

What information can you glean out of your experience so that we can move closer to those experiences where you truly resonate in your wholeness and therefore feel grateful for the good the bad the ugly and the sin, the gracious, the glorious, where everyone wins?

This is where Gratitude lives.

Gratitude comes with grief, looking at what we have lost, feeling its void, healing our wounds, mending our relationships, and feeling forgiveness which inevitably leads to our recognition of wholeness.

All of these mechanisms to experience gratitude around what we have lost, including gratitude itself, is an emotional process. It is a feeling process.

When done so in a safe container with a good guide we can actually feel a sense of compassion for the things that drive us in hate.

We can feel connection to that which has abandoned us.

We can experience gratitude through the art of forgiveness.

We can feel safe even if others choose not to.

Forgiveness, gratitude, all of it, are not just words.

When we say we’re sorry for doing something, are we doing so out of obligation, because we’ve always been taught to say sorry so that another can feel better, or perhaps not have to feel at all?

Saying sorry out of obligation is a sign of co-dependency as well, not wanting to rock the boat for fear another may have to feel through their stuff. So we apologize and it gives the other's Ego a sense of victory, things can continue to be suppressed!

What is true forgiveness? What does it mean?

I believe that it can only be recognized once we have awareness around that which we are sorry for, and usually it’s a little more deep than what just happened.

Sorriness is an external plea to be forgiven, when in reality as I now know it, forgiveness of self is what originates the healing on many levels.

Being able to forgive self is a intricate and simultaneous process of both allowing the conscious parent to hold space for the wounded child inside, to allow them space to communicate, feel, be heard, and be loved; as well as a method of freeing ourselves from obligatory response mechanisms that serve to drain us rather than gain us.

We can use these experiences to march forward and help others on the path where we are most called.

So when we feel we have done wrong, is it our conclusion or another?

When it’s another’s, we simply leave a door open for another opportunity to ‘do wrong’. Wrong in someone else’s eyes, but in ours it may be perfectly fine. Wrongs in one's eyes and mind always lead to opportunity for the Nature of our Reality around us to show us where we are not aligned within our own Nature, without fail, all ways.

So, when you have done wrong in your own views and values, is it shame?

Or is it truthful recognition that a behaviour, now visible to the awareness, is not something that we wish to participate in with others going forward? It is not something we want to identify with.

We process this. We come to another perspective, a more expansive perspective where we can feel compassion perhaps for self, or for the other for behaving the way they do.

When we stop and realize, we are all just processing an emotional experience, we can see each other on a unique identifier that creates commonalities across all of sentient Life, which means EVERYTHING!

We are so similar in our differences it is staggeringly funny and so very synchronized, all of it connected, our position is to observe the puzzle and re-model our own independent version that works for us.

In this seemingly self-centred vision, we care for ourselves more deeply, and therefore in the symbiotic union that our relationships are, we help others care for themselves more deeply.

So, can we initiate some sort of change procedure to ensure we are growing through these mistakes and instead not just holding them for further bate to sink someone into an emotionally reactive battle in the future?

Can we see that gratitude and appreciation, forgiveness and compassion are actually options in this seemingly tumultuous state you are swarmed up in?


When we say thank you, do we mean it, or is it conditioned response?

Is it possible to feel absolutely no gratitude, zero, zilch, for anything!?

Yes there is a state of being, unnatural but it exists, and I call it polar apathy. Resignation, nothing works, no one loves me, I’m all alone, all I stand for is being limited, I’m out. THERE IS NOTHING.

In this model, there is no gratitude.

Be careful and compassionate when another is in this state not to start forcing spiritually bypassing affirmations at them in hopes they will forget why they are in this state.

"Look at all you have" is a popular statement I've heard in attempt to snap the apathetic individual out of their state to pretend they are grateful, this trick is a trick many of us know very well! The feeling distraction.

Many people who commit suicide I believe succumb to this energetic force that sees nothingness. Others don't understand certainly, but no one truly knows what another is going through.

On the other side of any nothingness, anger, grief, sadness is an opportunity to realize the opposite, and when we do, we engage in the full spectrum.

If we are only seeing nothing in all of Life or particular situations, or where we can really not evoke a sense of appreciation, this is a Gift to your awareness! BIG GIFT, and big things are waiting for you when you decide to make the change.

Big changes are waiting for you when you open up to the big gifts, these changes are something you may have been deeply yearning for since you were a child.

Apathy is a tough tail spin to get out of, as are other shadowy emotions that fall into a trap of falsely identifying.

It’s certainly possible to hone our awareness to pull ourselves out and deal with the situation creating the apathy in the first place. All possible. Much of it was forgotten, but again, to forget, is the opportunity to remember. Apathy can be a tough tail spin though, but with practice it gets easier and more understandable as to why this may be showing itself for you.

When we remember who we are and what we’re here to do, our co-dependence with the many things that had an invisible stranglehold over us, begin to fall away. It is the ease we looked for, but through the hard work (not from a normal societal definition.)

Apathy cannot be brought through linear processes of reason I have found. Like something in that state of nothingness does not understand normal logical reasoning, it sees nothing to be grateful for.

Is it possible to be grateful for something given not out of the spirit of generosity?

What happens to the gifts we receive that are conditioned on obligations, when they are pushed towards us, are these Gifts too!? Yes I feel!

If something is given to you out of non-appreciation or obligation, this shows us clearly we are creating these experiences so that we can feel appreciation! Our lack of appreciation has us receive money, things, etc. in a lack of true unconditional giving. It is conditioned and obligatory, as has our gratitude been forced to be.

Everything can eventually be seen as a gift on our awareness path, the road is life long, lots of opportunities to feel appreciation if you decide to press play.

Imagine, that something you could not see, hear, touch, taste, feel, sense, experience finally became tangible.

Imagine that out of nowhere you recognized significance in something that you always felt to be triggering to you, or perhaps annoying.

Imagine that this something was now some thing you could connect to the heart with!

This could be the most impossible relationship to mend, it doesn’t matter. It could be way outside of your grateful possibilities, but when we step into the feeling realm (while limiting our hurt of others), we make the situation more harmonious.

Some of these shadowy states like apathy, anger, depression, anxiety can be further complicated, when the ego identity is strong and it feels it needs to hold on to this sense of identity, because as I feel

1) it’s predictable, if I get angry, this will happen and therefore at least I know what will happen

2) we get something out of it.

Like a child acting out to get attention, this same child has never learned another way, so we repeat what we feel works in our perhaps limited perspective. So it continues to work with those that too are caught in its nasty cycle.

Tony Robbins called an example of this the ‘figure 8’. In figure 8, we get mad and loop someone in, then they feel sorry for us, and then we get them back into the anger cycle and then reeeeepppeeeaaaattttttt.

Breaking out of the cycle includes steps towards greater accountability, realizing one’s own creative ingredients in the experienced recipe, or in this instance, Life.

When we can separate the recipe to see what root ingredients are in the dessert, we can begin to observe what is serving the recipe, with what we know is possible and what we believe is not. We may also observe in this investigation what is causing the dessert to perhaps become an undesired consistency or perhaps taste foul.

When we simply know that there is a thing called the root cause of any situation, wow does our world open up.

Our march back to independence from our co-dependent sleep requires us to open up our eyes, requires us to wade through what we feel is tumultuous, but this is an inevitability that becomes our personal glory.

If you don’t feel something for a long time, you will really feel it when you feel it. But this is not guaranteed, it does not come by sitting back waiting for Life to happen. What this does mean is that you can welcome in another state in its totality, and this all ways in my experience contains a state of gratitude, all ways in some other perspective possibility.

Charles Eisenstein claimed that ‘gratitude, is our Native state.”


Every time I have come to greater realization and awareness around what causes me strife inside, I have broken through a Life barrier.

Gratitude, in my Naturality has all ways been there to greet me, with arms wide open.

Nature is innately grateful I feel, as Nature as it surrounds and engulfs in its Universe, is innately our own Nature.

We have come here to experience feeling, emotional is Life. This is Natural.

What is the overall emotional health of your Life?

Are there spaces that we could lend some love and attention to?

Are there child pieces that have not been attended to and are perhaps still crying out in the background, subtle but impacting everything greatly?

Is there gratitude on the other side?

To realize what we have is a practice, it has been a long journey but I am not here to define your sense of time, it is arbitrary and subjective.

To realize what we have, we can observe others in their own interactions to gleam insight as to our own behaviour, but please do yourself a favour and don’t receive someone’s comments “you should be grateful.”

If we do, we are simply taking on another level of external expectation or guilt into our internal dialogue.

We give our power over to something that tells us how to feel, and we may fall into the false affirmation trap that has us lie to ourselves without addressing the truth of what is really going on at a root level.

This empowerment journey leads to gratitude. It is not fake. It also changes relationship dynamics, the false sense's of security do not hold their clutch and therefore we can begin to feel autonomous as to how we actually feel.

I am ever grateful for the journey I am on, although sometimes painstakingly tough, I march on and know, firmly know there is another side to all of the suffering.

The other side I speak of is not a grasping at light, hoping that the darkness will disappear. It is a welcoming of polarity, so we can feel more empowered to be the creator we innately know ourselves to be. Freedom.

This is much simpler than we all have been lead to believe. This is where Glory lives in my life, the opportunity to experience and grow, emotionally, resilience and intuition required and they are forever honed!

A new Sky has formed, the rains have returned, I am ever grateful for that.

With Love and more things to find Gratitude in!