Having previously lived on a small island for the past few years and now on a family farm, I know what it means to be in a fish bowl. With everyone’s stuff in front of you, with space to process, but right back into the jungle you go, mirror mirror all over the wall…..
What others perceived would be a transition to a magical place where no worries could exist, they were projecting their fantasy of how they want life to be so easy and peaceful.
A magical place I can now call home. So much to explore and learn.
What I have discovered is Yes, the magic of Nature is so alive in the middle of it. On the edges we can peer in and wonder what beholds in the forest, but until we step foot in its wilderness, we forget that it exists.
Trees do fall and we hear them.
What happens after a lifetime of mis-communication or no communication at all? How can people that are supposed to feel in intimacy, learn to carve new ways of being to support an intimate living situation? This is no different than the office, me thinks.
Since being introduced to what I referred to as the fish-bowl, I’ve realized a tremendous extension to an already remarkable journey into the unknown. The depth has just deepened.
My partner and I decided years ago that we would not settle for the conventional and we would let our children see all aspects of it so they could make their own empowered decisions.
Our individual freedom was the driving force, autonomy to the individual to live as their soul intended. Woah. What a commitment and what a request!?
Our requests are all ways heard. There is all ways some on the end of the receiver line, waiting to provide what you have created.
Well what had been dreamed up, pondered, considered, yearned for came true. But is life that easy?
The material gifts are all around, food, water, shelter, transportation, a new house for god’s sake, but is this it!?! Why do things feel so unsettled when things should feel predictably “safe.”
POLARITY, THE GIFT OF ALL GIFTS!
What happens when you put two opposites together? We view polarity.
Polarity is tricky business. It can suck you in as a victim, fighting back against a perpetrator, as if they were actually, terribly, the only one that had something to do with it.
All defence turns on this person, your Ego has now taken over.
First plan all ways, how do I make you hurt for what you’ve done?
What do I know you hate, and how can I do that thing to you, and make you know why I’m doing it.
The retaliation method. The retaliation method in Reality is a reciprocation law that states what I put out I receive back in equity. I’m no theologist, but I’m certain that world religions have degrees of “do unto others as they would do onto you.” This can almost be tweaked to say “do unto others as they Will do onto you.”
But this reciprocation does not need to come from one individual, energy is formless and can interact with many actors and actresses on your path that fit the bill to an absolute T.
This is mirror work, and its tricky work, as most often the mirror seems like the asshole.
A conscious mirror, knows what their possible reaction or proactive expression is about, is more likely to be on the receiving end of an un-trained Ego, ready to lash out and bring you down.
A conscious mirror can also diffuse the situation if they are in a state of centredness, not taking on the violent storm and instead looking for ways to diffuse it.
A TECHNIQUE TO DIFFUSE AN ESCALATING WOUND MATCH
A tough one but an effective technique that my partner and I practice is when we are at it with each other, Ego on Ego, “<NAME> I see that we Both are triggered, and I don’t want to hurt you, so I’m going to take some space right now.”
So powerful, yet tricky to pull off in a manner that still does not trigger the wounds of the Ego in its fragility.
And even more of a difficult practice to be able to pull oneself out of the victim Ego world and be the conscious observer, especially when our built in reactions can be SO STRONG!
THE ONGOING FIGHT FOR SURVIVAL!
The Ego is not something we want to turn against, it is aspects, many unconscious aspects of You. Little you, afraid to come out and see the world and what it has to offer, stuck in repetitive ruts and life situations, unable to see how things are changing and why things are the way they are.
i really do not like fighting someone else’s wounds with my own. No one wins. We all hurt. Things can change, but things can not be unsaid.
The Art of Mirroring as I have been learning, experiencing, practicing, relentlessly stalking in a sense, is both a Natural Gift and an incredible Gift to be hold when you can become aware of it, prior to engaging in a battle.
Battles are what ruin relationships. They are what can traumatize our children, create dependencies and addictions.
Unspoken battles are even worse. Silent mental warfare firing out of an emotionally wounded shell that wants nothing but the pain and demise of their victim.
Literally, the wounded aspects of ourselves have learned defensive techniques like to wish ill will on others.
If someone threatens our comfort level, we can mistakenly see them as the enemy, but in my work, and Life really, these people are the Gifts.
Elderly, Children and Pets naturally make great mirrors. They are closer to the ancestral world and therefore can be persuaded by the energetic flow of a situation and thus reenact a play to show us what who and what we are.
Mirrors are everywhere when we finally become active participants and give into the unconscious dance of having life happen to us. I believe as soon as we know that it is US that has the power to create change and more a more-balanced world, then mirrors begin to become aware. Until that point, they were always there, with a perspective shift we can see what is needed at all times.
Believe it or not the world is balancing right now. In all of its chaos, unreal reality it seems, it is all coming into a balance Naturally. The chaos, the shadowy mirror that exists in all of us, but without the permission to feel, we end up feeling abandoned and further victimized. We need to activate the accountable one who needs no permission.
THE CHILD MIRROR
When Children mirror or pets for that matter, they are simply emanating something you are holding on to.
Everything used to be treat the child. It is no longer that way, the true ways have once again re-emerged, the parent holds the key for the child’s health and wellness and it only begins in their own accountability and action to process trauma and emotional reactivity that only serves to damage rather than repair.
As they develop their own habitual behaviours as they age, usually anywhere from 7 - 14, they are not holding anything that is not yours. In fact Children can essentially shape shift, as they are around new adults and people, they are more open to have the energy of the moment carry through and show the adults around what they are holding on to.
A child that does not want to share in their younger years has a parent that doesn’t want to share, probably both.
A child that lashes out at others has a parent that lashes out, probably both.
A child that has addictions to things like milk, cartoons, sugary food etc, has a parent that cannot find a way to balance an un-met need and will manifest in their own addictions, probably both parents.
I say both as the partner partner relationship is where it gets very interesting.
I’ve seen so many marriages dissolve in my day. People can’t stand each other and have no idea how to process what it is they have never been taught exists! Such a predicament we’ve gotten into.
THE DIVINE SEQUENCE
We’ve heard of mid-life crisis, well these can happen at any times, the mid-life crisis is simply the noticing of mirrors or external behaviours that don’t sit well. When the genie comes out of the bottle you can’t shove it back in no matter your might. You are on the transcendent path and the mirrors are there to serve you back home. Buckle up.
Mirrors are in a sequence, much like you would see a mirrored room with an ininfite array of mirrors ascending and descending into infinity. One requires the other to give the effect, to give the next purpose. One reflection leads to another and another. The reflection doesn’t stop, nor does life, but one mirror requires the other mirror in its placement to give the reflection that we experience.
Mirrors again can be quite bothersome because someone has been called here to display a behaviour that we also attach to, but it is either to see the other as the problem instead of addressing the emotional/energetic root that creates everything from it.
CLARITY BEFORE, DURING AND AFTER MIRROR WORK
Most often, although mirrors are a moment to moment occurrence, we can sometimes see more clearly in hindsight when we are not hot and bothered by the situation.
We can only see as much as our awareness allows for at any given point, we can connect more relational dots into the equation to see that this energy was not just isolated to this person or this circumstance and that in fact a wide intricate net of people, situations, occurrences, both current and old are a part of this situation.
The more we process our emotional work, the clearer the puzzles become and soon you can begin to anticipate, predict, influence, and soon it becomes everywhere, and soon everywhere becomes amazing because the unknown (WHERE ALL OF LIFE IS) is where, well, all of life is ;) It becomes about the journey of known destinations. The resulting journey becomes present, it becomes a daily hero’s journey of self-realization, self-resilience, self-accountability.
Proactive emotional processing has us do the work prior to engaging in fighting words. No one really gets ‘hurt’ here, they simply get to feel ‘hurt’ in a safe place so that we can all heal, virtually the same wounds wrapped in our own what we feel ‘unique’ packages.
Sometimes proactivity is not possible, the systemic issue is too large, it is too wound up in identity and stories, assumptions and false unspoken accusations. In this model of no-holds-barred wrestling, we lash out, call each other names, hurt each other, and then HOPEFULLY we come back together to smooth things out.
But yet STILL in this model, we have to process, if we fail this step, we are setting up a future battle royale where oh yes, we will be involved. If not with these actors, don’t worry Life will piece something perfect together for you.
When we process, not forcing another to, but in my humble opinion, lets get over our shit and do this all together, where it works, where it ripples further, where we can hold each other in vulnerability and celebration for our growth. Where our genius can be pulled out, spotlit, and validated so we can empower ourselves to be the conscious parent we’ve always wished to be.
THE 3RD THING - LOOSEN OUR BONDS TO ANOTHER’S MIRROR
Processing draws upon the 3rd thing, or the triangulation that creates our reality across the entire Universe as I’ve learned and understood.
Two parties, things, concepts, ideas, places, anything, two create a third thing.
All of the energy of both parties, whatever their makeup, become entangled in the new third thing.
When shadowy trigger emotions are what hold our bonds to others, THAT IS THE GIFT! Spot it, you got it.
That is why they brought you here, to deal with this. So here you go, you know who does this stuff so you can’t say you’re on your own.
When one person chooses to deal, the other person has no mirror any longer! Gone. In fact the mirror may be showcasing a different behaviour, stemmed from a different root belief (granted by our new growth!)
It may also be a time of judgement for the one who just did their work, to then see with such clarity the destruction of the behaviour that was being shared.
This is a time to shift from judgement to compassion, again by emotionally/energetically/mentally processing. Movement of the body helps this as well.
Compassion also allows us to see our own role in creating this circumstance. If we can get back the need to be validated for the one who made the change (good, here’s your treat) we can become selflessly able to see ourselves as we truly need to be seen, with an open heart and our deepest attention.
WHY DON’T WE JUST DO THIS THEN?
Our environment which includes our past, experiences, things said, things not said, all of it, is an accumulation of our present experience.
Because much of the past has been lived unconsciously for many, that space in the moment, where the future is created is a scary place. Too much feeling there! Woah…
But this place, where we can envelope ourselves in the trigger, and work our way out of it, from the root up, we can begin to grow a plant from a new seed. This plant is a reflection of your authentic self, it is the essence of you, prior to the trauma happening.
People have known about this for millions of years, some would argue it has never not existed. This work is simply recognizing the power and the connection of Universal energy, and you no matter what your wounded aspect says about your worth, are a part of it! Time to wake up and smell the cosmic and earthly roses.
The most efficient way of dealing with any problem is going to the root, extracting the ‘weed’ and replanting the essence of you, which ALL WAYS feels better in the long run.
SHORT TERM PAIN? I DON’T WANT PAIN!!! what if pain can be held with you?
The short term pain of identifying our triggers is a tough journey, or at least it can be. All journeys are different, but I would say there are underlying threads that make our journeys very similar, but no one, and I mean no one ever has your exact experience, nor do they totally know what’s going on inside.
With increased support, we can feel held on the journey, with people that have come before, that come after, that are with you at your awareness level, regardless of the role, we all walk together.
CELEBRATING TRANSFORMATION IN SAFETY
When we can all walk together and understand, no matter the story, we have unmet needs that require attention, when we give these parts permission to speak and emote, we clear unbelievable clutter from our channels of flow, and thus a truer representation can show up in our reality.
The moment a trigger is no longer a trigger, and the awareness is realized by either you or another, it’s a remarkable experience. Nothing compares to self-realization though, figuring out the game so you can play it is more important than someone holding your hand so that you feel safe.
Safety is one of the four basic needs and many of us either feel or have felt so unsafe taking the next step towards their evolutionary journey. The evolution of Self carries pain yes, but so much glory awaits.
Creative energies bursting at the seem!
Watch for your reflection…